I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
