Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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