I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
