Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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