Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
