Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
