I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
