3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize