at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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