I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
