I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
