OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
