I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
