She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
