im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
