If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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