we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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