I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
