Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
