$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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