I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
