yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That accounts for only three of the penises
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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