I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
