I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
