The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
