Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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