so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
