There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
