Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
