I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
