i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
