i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
