its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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