so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
