He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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