If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
