y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
