Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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