her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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