i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
