I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
