Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
