you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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