Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize