The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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