How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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