I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
