So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
