I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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