If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What a dumb baby whore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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