p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
