I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
