i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize