God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
