How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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