went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
