Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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