i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
