Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
