Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
