Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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