Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
