Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
