His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
