Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
