so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
