my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
