I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
