from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
