I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
