New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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